Saturday, January 22, 2011

Go North Young Man


Recently, Fox News opinionater, Sean Hannity suggested we reinvade Iraq because they didn’t appreciate us. They didn’t greet us with flowers, like the liberators we are. He suggested we should just take the oil and use it to pay ourselves for the trouble we went through invading Iraq.

Mr. Hannity took some heat for this statement, the left wing blogosphere lighting up like the Fourth of July. People claimed this was outrageous. How dare he suggest such a thing? They seem to forget that this is what President Cheney and Vice President Rumsfeld promised to begin with.

The Left lit into him. At this, I take umbrage. Not only did I just want an excuse to use that word, perhaps the basis for this entire piece, but also to back up Mr. Hannity in his insightful stance.

I support the general approach, take what you want because you feel you deserve it. The future belongs to the bold, those willing to seize opportunities for their own benefit, seize, take control, dominate! If I have any complaint about this idea it is the target. Sure Iraq owes us for all our attentions, from the blockades and no fly zones, to the recent invasion. The question is not do they owe us. Do we really owe them? Our attentions are worth something. We have made that clear. And the Iraqis don’t appreciate it. We should reserve our attentions for someone who might better understand. Someone, let’s say, who speaks the same language.

That’s why I’m suggesting Canada.

They have oil. They’re close. And, by God, they owe us. We’ve been down here protecting them from Mexico for ages, and providing jobs for their actors, comedians, and singers. We’ve been buying up their cheap medicines and blessing them with our tourism. And in return we’ve gotten overpriced maple syrup and bacon that isn’t bacon. We’ve gotten a snobby attitude aboot how friendly they are and how crude and rough we are. I think we should show them. Let’s make them respect us. Let’s take what we want.

Why should we travel halfway around the world to reinvade Iraq? Been there…Done that! Canada has oil, lots of it. And thanks to global climate change, it will be like the mid-west, like home. We can go up there and show them how to make bacon. They are more like us. They still have a Queen. We can liberate them from her. She might go into hiding and we’ll never be able to catch her. We will, therefore, never have to leave.

Mr. Hannity. I invite you to join my cause. This is the greatest country on Earth. And if that doesn’t mean we can do whatever we want then I don’t know what does. I understand your sentiments. You’re hurt. You know the Iraqis just don’t get how happy they should be we came. But quit wasting your time. Let it go. My advice, for the future of our Manifest Destiny… Go North Young Man.

Just think about it.

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