Alas, men will never know what it’s like to have menstrual cycles, experience endless vaginal and uterus examinations, or become pregnant. So it is uniformly disconcerting why so many men in the Alabama State House are obsessed about what women physically have to go through for all of these things, but especially what happens when women want to control their own reproductive destinies. Are men jealous of women?
The Legislature is in the middle of trying to introduce no less than 12 different bills concerning women’s reproductive rights, none of which involve the introduction of mechanical objects into male reproductive orifices, mandatory readings or verbal interpretations of photographic male medical procedures, or refusal to provide legally available male medical services, including approved pharmaceuticals used by men.
As if the current laws on reproductive health are not enough, these bills are championed by 29 white Republican males, with 4 Republican white women scattered throughout (3 of which appear to be past childbearing years), and one token black democrat woman (shame on her, at whatever age). While we applaud democracy in action, these 34 elected officials need to take this obsession just one step further, for the benefit of all Alabama males, not just the Republican ones in the State House.
To ease the male jealousy of female reproductive parts, we would like the Democrats to waste valuable congressional session time with just one more new bill, such bill shall require all males capable of participating in a reproduction of human life (approximately ages 15 to 19 with parental consent, and 20 to 95) to undergo a government-required but not government or any insurance-paid, manual and machine examination of the male reproductive systems and related orifices, at least annually, but in all cases, every time the male is involved in activities involving potential procreation.
During each and every examination, the attending physician shall be required to read or provide other verbal communication and visual evidence to the male on the entire procedure(s), step by step, including computer screen imaging in real time or other visually graphic methods. Further, should said male patient be unwilling to undergo such procedure, said patient shall be forever excluded from any insurance or state provided medical services, including legally available pharmaceuticals (i.e, Viagra-type assistance, or STD assistance), to alleviate conditions involving reproductive health, and said patient shall also be excluded from receiving any type of government monetary assistance for any resulting offspring.
Additionally, any physician who may refuse at any time to abide by the law, by reasons of conscience, shall post daily, in a prominent place of their individual or collective place of practice, a notice of sufficient size that will catch the attention of a 15 year old and a 95 year old male explaining the conscientious objection and reasons therefore. Conscientious objections shall be limited to religious, not medical, reasons.
Responsibility for one’s reproductive health is a two way street, ladies and gentlemen. You cannot have your obsessions without consequences. We will work proactively and financially to elect any male or female, Democrat or Republican, who will balance legislative efficiency of reproductive health.
Or we could just leave well enough alone, and get back to the real issues in this state, like poverty, jobs, infrastructure, county bankruptcies, and open government. Republicans, please understand that LESS government means just that. If getting felt up by TSA at the airport doesn’t offend us, then having a 35mm telephoto lens inserted into your reproductive organs shouldn’t offend you either. After all, it’s for the common good.
-Carol Moore, Birmingham